If you can’t handle others truth, they stop telling their truth
Most leaders claim feedback is key to learning, yet for some, the moment feedback challenges what they believe and how they see themselves, their openness fades.
Feedback is essential to learning. But the moment we label it “positive” or “negative,” we unintentionally limit access to the learning.
As Shakespeare observed, “Nothing is good or bad, thinking makes it so.”
In my work with leadership teams, I often see three patterns emerge when a leader hears a perspective that differs from their own.
They become defensive, dismissive, or deny. The moment these reactions appear, learning shuts down.
One of the distinguishing indicators of a flourishing team is the value its members place on learning with and from one another. When someone shares a truth that challenges their own, they respond differently. They shift from:
Defensive to Curious - they recognise when others see things they may not. Rather than protecting their position, they become curious about the difference and the insights it may offer. Because they trust each other’s intentions, there’s no need to defend themselves.
Dismissive to Attentive - they listen to understand, not respond. They ask for examples and clarification so they can better access the learning opportunity. They align their understanding of what was said and meant.
Denial to Acceptance - acceptance does not mean agreement. It means being open to the possibility that we may have contributed to an outcome in ways we did not intend nor recognise. We cannot operate above our level of consciousness. Acceptance expands it.
INVITATION
Not all feedback is equally useful. But there is always something to learn from it.
To access that learning from other’s truth, choose to be:
more curious
more attentive
more accepting
When leaders cannot handle the truth, others stop telling it.
And when the truth stops, learning stops.
May you flourish.