“I’m an Active Listener” (Really?)
How often have you or heard others claim to be an ‘active listener’?
Don’t get me wrong; to be an active listener is the highest level of service as a leader.
But what does it mean to be an ‘active listener’? What do we activate when we actively listening?
I recently experienced what it takes to NOT be an active listener. I was in a coffee shop when two men sat down at the table next to me. I assumed one was the manager and the other a team member.
The conversation went as follows:
Manager: asked, “how things going?”
Team Member: looking exhausted and depleted, replied, “I’m so busy, I’ve never been this busy.”
Manager: “oh!”
Team member: reiterated, “Yeah, I’m so busy, I don’t know where to start.”
Manager: “me too” and then proceed to talk about all that he expected the team member to accomplish that day.
The team member’s face said it all - the slump in his shoulders, the drop in his expression, and the quiet desperation. All of which was unnoticed, unacknowledged, and unaddressed by the manager.
To be an active listener means to activate three senses:
Hearing - listen to and acknowledge what you heard - “I understand you have a lot on and feel under pressure.”
Seeing - listen for and share what you saw - “I can see you look tied and concerned.”
Feeling – listen from what you sense - “I sense you’re overwhelmed and not sure where to start.”
When others feel heard, seen, and understood, it creates a safer space for them to speak more of their truth. When we speak more of our truth, greater understanding and alignment happens, and commitment secured.
INVITATION
Before Before your next conversation, commit to actively listen and attend to and share what you understood was said, what you saw and what you sensed. Then notice what happens to the quality of your conversations, relationships, and results.
As Robert Baden-Powell once said, “if you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talking.”